Archive for September, 2011

new biography peice co-written with

Patient Zero.5

Rob Deb was just an ordinary book store employee, stocking shelves and fantasizing about
what the cute red headed girl on the 2nd floor would say to an evening out eating SUBWAY
and seeing a Will Ferrell Movie, when his world was shattered! An infected patient burst
into his store after escaping the high tech medical research facility next door, just before the
branch of SUBWAY which his book store shared a car park with. The patient was infected
with a strange virus developed as a biological weapon, a zombie virus! Yes, Patient Zero
had become a zombie and burst into the store! Before the zombie could molest the girl on
2nd , being unable to use an escalator and all , Kieran stepped in to defend her. For his trouble
he was promptly bitten by the infected zombie, and in return he crushed the disgruntled
zombie though the use of a kindle, a book stand and a heavy display copy of the MARVEL
UNIVERSE. , “I know what this means!” Kieran thought (mainly in parenthesis as Thought
bubbles don’t work in prose, or indeed real life). “I’m gonna turn into a zombie!” But he
didn’t. He waited. Nothing. He attended the opera. Nothing. He renewed his xbox gold
account. Still nothing. So he went to the lab next door and they ran some tests. He then
Popped into the SUBWAY and came back with a foot long expecting the results to be done.
It turns out that Kieran had a rare DNA grouping that made him immune to the virus, but
also allowed the virus to mutate and amplify it’s effects with him as the carrier. Anyone who
spends too much time around Rob will catch the virus and become a flesh hungry zombie.
Sneezing on someone could turn them into a monster. Kissing is definitely out. Rob was able
to get all this information from the lab technician just before the technician himself turned
into a flesh eater but after he had to sit their being bored about the benefits of Everquest from
the science guy. Rob had to kill him with a paper clip and a rubber band, like MacGuyver,
but way cooler because he had a coat like in ‘The Matrix’. The entire lab became infected,
as well as his co-workers at the books store. Rob is now surrounded by a slowly growing
zombie apocalypse with himself at the centre. Not one to take hardship lying down Rob
decided to use the abandoned medical facility to try to discover a cure. When not in the lab
Rob is assembling adhoc weapons, fighting off the flesh eating hordes as Patient Zero.5. (Because he killed Patient Zero and Patient One sounds silly, and if he doesn’t do something positive with the experience then this story would be song by Suzanne Vega.)

In order to ensure he does not spread the infection he has taken the lab as a lair and created a
suit made out of staples and dark painted bubblewrap to ensure he doesn’t infect anyone else,
a Dork Knight suit.Typhoid Deb may not be the best hero in the city, but currently it is the
only one they got!

Fight on, Patient Zero! point five!